Stop Expecting 12-Year-Olds to Think Like 30-Year-Olds

One of the biggest traps we fall into as teachers is projecting adult logic onto children. We look at an 11, 12 or 13-year-old, see that they look old enough to know better, and assume they think like we do too.

They don’t.

We tell them off for being “inconsiderate” when they blurt something out. We get frustrated when they make the same mistake again, even after we’ve “clearly explained it.” We ask, “Why would you do that?” — expecting a rational answer that follows adult logic.

But children at that age aren’t mini-adults. Their sense of consequence, empathy, foresight, long-term thinking — it’s all still under construction. They’re not ignoring logic; they’re operating with a different kind of logic altogether — one that’s based on immediacy, emotion, and impulse.

That doesn’t mean we lower expectations. It means we adjust our approach.

Instead of assuming they should know better, we should assume they might not yet have the reasoning skills to fully understand the impact of their actions.

When addressing mistakes, try:

• Replacing “Why did you do that?” with “What were you thinking at the time?” — not accusatory, but curious.

• Avoiding moral judgments like “That was selfish” and swapping them for “Here’s how that affected others.”

• Treating errors in behaviour the same way we treat errors in learning — with explanation, patience, and practice.

If we expect adult reasoning from a child, we set them up to fail. But if we meet them where they actually are, we give them the tools to grow into the kind of adults we hope they’ll become.